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    January 24

    The Painted Veil《面纱》——journey to find each other

            "we are silly to look for the qualities that we never had"——Walter
             
          当Walter 看到Kitty从回旋楼梯走下来的时候,他就爱上了她;当Kitty答应他的求婚时,他知道她只不过是为了逃离空虚的生活和庸俗的母亲。然而,他还是一厢情愿地对她好。他不善言辞,他的世界在小小的显微镜里,他不会哄她开心,只是偶尔和她打打桥牌。然而,他终究没有让她爱上自己。kitty说“a man who can't make woman loves him is his own fault".我相信,Walter 的心很痛很痛。在梅谭府,在竹子搭成的小屋里,煤油灯朦胧的灯光下,Kitty asked:"why didn't u break in when u know Charle and i was in the room?" He didn't deserve and maybe i dislike fighting" answered Walter.其实,如果门打开了,如果看到了自己妻子与别人通奸的一幕,无论是Walter 还是Kitty都不能面对,这段婚姻也无法挽回。因为不能割舍,他做了一个赌徒,kitty要么跟他去梅谭府——霍乱疫区,要么以通奸罪申请离婚。“What follows isn't just a colonialist adventure in a foreign land, or even one of those ubiquitous generic journeys of self-discovery, but an adventure of marriage itself”。
         婚姻的冒险,是拿生命做赌注的。在那个瘟疫肆虐的地方,walter用工作麻醉自己,骄纵的kitty忍受不了walter的冷淡。冷战比大吵大闹更让人疯狂,是一种慢性自杀。
              “walter,will you stop publishing me!do u absolutely despise me?"
               "no, i despise myself"
               "why?'
               "for i had once loved u"
          隔着木门,walter听到kitty的哭泣。惩罚一个自己爱的人,也是惩罚自己。当kitty不顾感染的危险,赌气吃生的沙律时,walter也一起吃。也许,你会觉得是两个小孩子在斗气,一个是伤害自己以引起对方的关注,一个是深爱着对方却又深受对方伤害。
         在疫区的日子里,kitty 开始发现,生活不是一场接一场的舞会,不是剧场里面的调情,不是名贵的戒指,而可能是一具接一具的尸体,是成群的孤儿,是死亡的幽灵在游荡。在参观修道院的时候,她听到了关于walter的许多许多,例如他喜欢小baby(我从来都觉得,一个喜欢小孩子的男人,总坏不到哪里去),慢慢地,她对自己的丈夫,从不理解、害怕,到理解、钦佩。人们常说 ,两个人因为不理解而在一起,因为理解而分开。也许,并不是因为理解而分开,只是不甘心,眼里只有对方的缺点,像是一张带黑点的白纸,你看到的是黑点,还是白纸?正如walter所说,追求对方所缺乏的品质是愚蠢的。
          在kitty的极力争取下,修道院的sisters让她留在修道院帮忙照顾那里的孤儿。在一个明媚的下午,课室里响起了柔和的钢琴声,是kitty和walter初次见面时的音乐。谁能解释为什么会爱上一个人?于千万人中遇到那个人,你的心便不禁被拽紧,谁能解释呢?我曾经问过一个人,他为什么会喜欢他的初恋情人。那是一条窄窄的巷子,天空飘着细雨,她撑着伞从巷子的那一端缓缓走来,雨雾打湿了额前的几缕发丝,是戴望舒笔下的像丁香一样的,结着愁怨的姑娘,于是他无可救药地爱上她。所以,我们不要问为什么当walter听到那熟悉的旋律时,再也无法掩饰内心的感情。
          kitty怀孕了,我看到walter有着所有初为人父的男人所特有的那种喜出望外,又带点不知所措的孩子般的表情。然而,让kitty担心的是孩子的父亲到底是谁,walter终于注意到kitty眼中的忧虑。
         ”am i the father?"
         "i really don't know,i am sorry walter"……(crying)
         "well, it doesn't matter now,does it?"(bravelly control his emotion)
         "no"(embrace tightly)
          walter因为救治病人染上霍乱,临死前的他对怀孕的kitty说的最后一句话是“please forgive me".
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
           在网上看到一篇英文的评论,尤其喜欢这一句: 

    In the course of the story these two people, husband and wife, are barely separate from each other for a day, and yet they have to go the long way around the world to find each other.

          每一天,或许你都会和你最爱的人一起吃饭,一起逛街,一起生活,你们不曾分开,但也许,我们还有很长很长的路要走,认识自己,认识自己爱的人,不仅看到他的缺点,更要看到他的优点,而这些优点是支撑我们走下去的动力。
                                                                                                     
     
     
       
        
     
              

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    薇薇wrote:
    亲爱的小叮当,你回家没啊?还是在北京玩?我最近都在生病,生活简直像广州的天空,布满灰霾~~呜呼
    Feb. 10
    vivi小美人最近忙什么?我觉得自己生活得越来越没有情调和趣味了~
    难道这就是gwy得生活么?
    额滴神啊~
    Feb. 8

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